Through my first birth, I learned that patience and timing are everything and that cervical dilation is no indication of imminent birth. I was 7 cm dilated at 38 weeks, yet not in active labor. Not knowing what to do, I waited around to see if magically labor would start. When it didn’t, my husband and I were so anxious from waiting to see what would happen that we just went to the hospital. I was admitted, and interventions were thrown my way. My OB broke my water, then started me on pitocin, then I received an epidural. Fortunately, all went well and I delivered my healthy baby boy the next morning. 

The questions that keep swirling around my brain at those memories are: What if I had waited? What if I said no to the interventions? What if? 

Knowing that doesn’t help change the past, I’ve let those feelings simmer. 

Then my second birth happened later than I had hoped and expected. Being pregnant at 41 weeks is no walk in the park. I was anxious for my son to be born, since his brother made his debut 2 weeks early. Finally, we set an induction date when labor, once again, did not happen spontaneously. Again, my water was broken, pitocin was administered, and I received an epidural. This experience was different as the OB on call allowed me to pull my son out to my chest and I watched his gradual entrance into the world with the help of a mirror. It felt so empowering! But I knew there were choices I had left up to others to dictate how the labor went. That didn’t settle well with me either and again I had questions such as, “What if …?” I learned again that patience and timing are everything and I learned that there was much more to be understood about birth that I still didn’t grasp. The last thing I learned was that a medicated birth can also be a beautiful, wonderful, empowering experience.

Then my third birth happened and I decided I wanted to try without the epidural and hoping upon hope I would spontaneously go into labor. Without a plan for how to handle the contractions, it was tougher than it needed to be. Labor stalled when we were admitted to the hospital and then I allowed my midwife to break my water. After that, things finally picked up. I tried hydrotherapy and then moved out of the tub as I went into transition. My husband and midwife did all they could for me as I reached completion. I don’t remember how long I pushed, but it wasn’t long before my beautiful daughter was placed in my arms. It was hard. I didn’t have the glorious, empowering feeling I had with my last birth. I was focusing everything on getting through the contractions, and without a guide, mind you. I learned that I should have prepared better and should have had a doula. ​

By the time I was pregnant with my fourth, I had a deeper grasp of childbirth, the stages of birth, comfort measures and the importance of knowing your choices and making informed decisions. I was so ready to take on this one (possibly final) challenge of birth and of making the choices that were best for me, my baby and my body. I took a childbirth education class from my doula. And yes, I hired a doula. Because of timing and circumstances, I chose to be induced. That wasn’t the first choice I had made. I was well-trained by that point, working with my health care providers as I navigated gestational diabetes, potential Intrauterine growth restriction, or IUGR, of my baby and choosing not to be induced sooner than was necessary. I already felt empowered before even stepping foot into the delivery room. 

With my induction, I was prepared to make even more choices, even though there were some restrictions. I felt my voice was heard and I labored how I wanted and then, when the time came, pushed how I wanted. I grasped the shoulders of my doula and husband, stood up on the bed and pushed and squatted my baby boy out into the world. It was incredible. I felt so strong and so capable. ​

That amazing birth experience gave me the strength I needed through my postpartum time. That first year was challenging, but because I knew I had already done incredibly hard things, I knew I could push through and endure these additional hard things. 

I’ll be forever grateful for my transformational birthing experiences. My hope is that every mom can have that same feeling from the births she has. 

My other hope is that every woman can feel the eternal pull of the divine role of motherhood. Motherhood is eternal and the joy we feel as mothers will continue beyond this life. ​

It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to be when I grow up. I may even still be figuring it out. :)

After high school graduation, I headed to college, thinking I would study English and get an editing minor, and would spend my career ridding the world of comma splices, bad grammar, and sentence fragments. After not too long, though, I decided I wanted to make a gentler, more inspiring impact on the world. I switched my major to Elementary Education and graduated with that degree.

After teaching for a couple of years I realized something important about myself: I do not have the patience to manage the behavior of large groups of small children all day. At the end of my second year of teaching, I also gave birth to my twin daughters, which kept me busy for a while. :)