Meet the Doula: Eliza Payne

Photo by Alisa Crawshaw

It feels impossible to pinpoint exactly when and how my journey into birth work began. I believe everything is connected and many experiences and people have led me to where I am today. Several small sparks over time have led to my burning passion for birth and being a doula. 

The very first spark was probably my own entrance into the world. I believe the way each person is born matters deeply and leaves a lasting imprint on us. I was my mother’s third baby and only unmedicated birth. My mother was supported by my aunt during labor, which I know made a big difference. Maybe feeling that loving support as I came into the world influenced my desire to give that same support to others giving birth.

---

Another spark was studying Human Development in the School of Family Life at BYU. I was drawn to understanding more about my own development and was fascinated by the many factors that influence each unique human experience. I graduated just before becoming pregnant with my first baby. My education was the beginning of a journey into greater self-awareness and healing, just before I was ready for my next adventure of developing my own little human. ;)

I was newly pregnant when my mother-in-law gave me a book she had read when she was pregnant: Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way. At first I wasn’t sure what to think - the book seemed somewhat outdated and I wasn’t sure I wanted to give birth “naturally.” But as I began to read and saw the black and white photographs of smiling, radiant, unclothed and unhindered women birthing in their power, something changed within me. Those powerful, real-life images gave me a new vision for what birth could be. My mind was opened and I started to believe birth could be more than an experience that needed to be numbed or feared. Up to that point, I had not been very in tune with my body or feelings, but I could tell that there was something powerful about feeling birth. Reading that book was one of the biggest sparks along my journey.

After finishing that book, I proceeded to check out every book I could find at the library about pregnancy and birth, and my vision and preferences for birth gradually shifted. My husband and I decided to sign up for an in-depth 12 week childbirth class that was a pivotal step in our preparation. I switched from an OB to a midwife practice that was more in line with my values. I continued to gain knowledge and worked to prepare mentally, emotionally, and physically for birth. The more I learned and prepared, the more empowered, confident, and excited I felt about giving birth. 

A little note before I share my personal experiences giving birth. I am sensitive about sharing how incredible my births were because I know not everyone has such positive experiences, even with mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual preparation and support. I used to think I had a positive birth because of all my birth preparation, but after years of witnessing and supporting birth, my perspective has shifted. I have seen how no amount of preparation, knowledge, or support can give you a certain outcome. There are no guarantees with birth. Birth is a wildly unpredictable and uncontrollable journey that ultimately demands us to surrender to whatever it is. That is what makes birth so powerful - it requires so much from us, and if we let it, it can transform us into who we need to be, no matter what the experience looks like. While I still emphasize the importance of preparing and love to help clients set the stage for a positive birth, I believe the most important part of that birth preparation is staying open and flexible to the possibilities and lessons that birth has for us. Birth can be one of the greatest teachers and generously gives each person the lessons and experiences they need.
​
Okay, now on to my first experience giving birth and the impossible task of summarizing one of the most life-changing, other-worldly events of my life. My labor began around midnight and was intense right from the start. I had prepared for a long labor so I was surprised when it began with such strong contractions. After laboring on hands and knees for several hours with constant counter pressure from my very supportive husband, we decided contractions were close and intense enough to head to the hospital. I was deep in labor land, in that place between worlds. Shortly after arriving I remember saying, “I can’t do this anymore!” and it felt so big and intense, but I knew it was close. I found strength that I didn’t know I had, and with some encouraging words from a sweet nurse and my husband, I started pushing. Less than two hours after we arrived, I was holding our perfect son in my arms. Giving birth was the hardest thing I had ever experienced and it left me forever changed. I discovered an inner strength and power while giving birth that I carried with me into motherhood and helped sustain me through a difficult postpartum journey. 

After giving birth to my first

I thought my passion for birth might die down once I wasn’t pregnant and preparing for birth, but it only grew stronger. I loved talking about my birth experience with anyone who wanted to hear. I realized that my empowering birth was not the norm and I had a growing desire to change that. I kept learning about birth and couldn’t wait to experience it again. My second birth came less than two years later and this time I had an even faster water birth in the hospital. Again, I felt so empowered and learned unique lessons that I needed.

Pregnant with my second

Even though I felt such a burning desire to do birth work, I was busy with a toddler and a baby and didn’t feel like the time was right yet. Then, when I was pregnant with my third baby my sister asked me to be her doula. Almost halfway through my pregnancy, I had the incredible honor of supporting her and her husband and witnessing my first birth. I remember coming home and feeling surprised at how energized and excited I was, even while physically exhausted from hours of giving support. That night I knew that I had found my soul’s calling to support women in birth. 
I gave birth to my third baby in the water as the sun was rising at a birth center in Albuquerque. That birth stretched me and ignited my love for birth even more. Eventually we moved back to Utah where I began homeschooling and got pregnant with my fourth baby a few months before Covid hit. Giving birth during the thick of Covid was a unique experience, but I still had a beautiful and empowering birth, especially when I listened to my instincts, reclaimed my power, and stood up on the hospital bed to birth my baby.
After my fourth baby was old enough, I couldn't deny the call to birth work any longer. I finally felt that it was the right time to embark on my doula journey. I took an amazing training and had the honor of being the doula for my sister again as well as a dear friend. Since then, I have attended many more births and doula trainings. I love learning and am constantly adding to my skills and knowledge to better support my clients. My passion is still burning strong and I am grateful every day that I get to do what I love with my whole heart. It has been the greatest honor to walk alongside women and couples in their unique journeys of giving birth and to witness their transformation. I especially love watching women reclaim their power and discover the deep strength and intuition that has always been inside them. 

After supporting my sister with her second birth, and as I was officially beginning doula work.

Birth work has continued to change me, too. In many ways, giving birth and becoming a doula has felt like coming home. Like a river finding its way to the ocean, birth has brought me back to who I have always been. Supporting women through birth feels natural and intuitive to me. I feel like many things in life have prepared me for this calling, even before I officially began my journey into birth work. I am grateful for all the sparks that have led me to where I am today, truly living my dream and calling as a doula.